Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
