I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
