Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have aggressive nipples.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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