Having a random hookup so left but love u
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
