i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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