She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
