it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just want to make out with him forever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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