some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
