You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
