We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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