dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
