Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
