My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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