i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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