Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
