I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize