Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
