i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize