i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
