saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
