so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
