You're my little dorito
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
