My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
