So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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