y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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