Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
