I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
