69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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