she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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