Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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