It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
