At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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