I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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