I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
