Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
