My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
