her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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