It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
