just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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