I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
