I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
