Please, let me fuck your mom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize