: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
