Kiss
Puke
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
