Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
