you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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