her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize