Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
