The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
