I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
