My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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