drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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