Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
