I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
