Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
