No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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