having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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