Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
