I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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