Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What drink are we having for lunch?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
