remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
