You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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