her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
