FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
