i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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