I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
