Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
