He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
pray to the hookup gods
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
