so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
