Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
