I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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