somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Vodka?
Forever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
