Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
