Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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