Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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