Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
