saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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