i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
