I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
