Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
