I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
