I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
