i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
