the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
