it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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