So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
