Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
