i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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