when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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