i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
