HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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