I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
