ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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