Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize