I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
