im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize