Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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