i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
