I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
