wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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