Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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