She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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