Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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