i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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