dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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