I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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